It has been two days since I have decided to skip the last two diary entries in my actual diary, and this here day felt special enough for me to decide and write the first part of it here and share with you.
It is been the first time in my life that I felt like my body just refuse to react in sync with my mood, something that I have only ever understood as horrible, since I have only ever felt it before as a collateral effect of medicine made for soothing me brain.
This time, it felt good. I am happy, but my body does not show it.
What made me think about this was waking up like shit in the morning and noticing I could see the sunlight move from my bed.
"Hey! I can see the day going by!"
Then I wondered what else could that imply about myself.
Ever since I started working as a "storage goblin", 6-days a week for soon-to-be an year, time became my nemesis. I constantly must think about time, over the feeling that I have no choice but to live for my job and nothing else, as I only think about how I have to work the day after when I have a day off, and paralyze the rest of the day over that.
I grew to hate many aspects about the flow of my life, like the need to sleep, no matter how hard I try to sleep early... getting home by 11pm every day.
"So, what'll it be: are you sleeping tonight at 2 deliberately or accidentally?"
"Who knows, this time if you miraculously get to bed, you might wake up at 4 and stay in bed for hours again!"
So I guess today worked as a reminder. A reminder about what will soon be of my life, or would be have I not bought a new bike, and did not remember the two-year long credit fuck my grandmother got me.